It’s first-come, first-served around here…

I have received an amazing email today! It was from some lady from Sierra leone (or Cote d’Ivoire… she doesn’t seem clear on where she is, really…). Anyway, this is her offer:

“Dear Gentle Friend,

Greetings to you in the name of God. In my search for a reliable and God fearing person and having gotten your contact through prayers and painstaking efforts I have decided to seek your help in carrying out my last wishes. My name is Mrs. Joy Nicolas. Nationality Sierra Leone. I am 52 years of age, old woman a Christian. I was married with three children. My husband and two children died in plane crash years back.

My only child now is aged; she is 8 years of age. We are leaving in Cote d’Ivoire since past six years before this happen; I am dying of oesophageal cancers. Recently, My Doctor told me that I would not last for the period of five months due to cancer problem. It is my desire to write from my heart hoping that you will help me.

My late husband was one of the directors under titan kiblah government and owned two businesses in Dubai. He diverted some huge of money total is (14.850 Million Euros) only which he deposited with a bank in this country when he was alive.

Please I need your assistance in the following ways:

1. To help me receive this money into your account for my daughter care.

2. To help my only daughter to come over to your place to continue with her education.

3. To take her as your own blood child until she out of school.

If you can help me with these three things, to you 20% of the total money is for your personal use while 20% of the money will go to orphanage/motherless homes. And the remaining 60% of the money is for my daughter care. Once I hear from you I will provide you the bank information, were this money currently deposited for you to contact them.

Be blessed in a mighty way.
Best Regard
Mrs. Joy Nicolas.”

This was my reply:

“Mrs. Nicholas,

I am surprised to hear that in your search for a “reliable” and “God fearing person” you came up with my name.

If you need money for your child, I am more than willing to pay for her. Does she work hard? I can’t afford to pay a lot for her but if you are willing to pay for postage and a very large box, I could pick the box up at an airport or bus-station. She would have to be willing to work, though. no one eats for free in my house. In fact, if you send a large enough box, she can live in the box until she can afford to pay rent in the house. You will have to send lots of blankets, too. It gets very cold here in the winter. Can she use any weapons? There are the odd packs of wild dogs here and during the winter they get hungry. If she can fend them off then she’ll be fine. Does she know how to build an igloo? I don’t have time to teach her to do this so if you could teach her before she arrives (I am sure you could find lots of ice-cubes for her to practice).

Let me know immediately, because I have had a number of people who have children they want me to help and it is first-come-first-served, here.”

I wait with bated breath for her reply…

Which I have just posted.


  1. azahar said,

    September 10, 2011 at 1:07 pm

    Heh heh…

  2. Bel said,

    September 7, 2011 at 12:33 pm

    Oh, love this. Funny it didn’t come from Nigeria. 😉

    • mudhooks said,

      September 7, 2011 at 8:08 pm

      … as far as we know… I just posted an update.

    • mudhooks said,

      September 10, 2011 at 7:00 pm

      She emailed me the other evening and I didn’t reply, so she’s wondering why. I was going to tell her that the roof of my igloo collapsed and it has been hard to get to the internet igloo to answer any emails.

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