Of igloos and healthcare fraud…

Yesterday’s post featured a scam email that I received earlier in the day, and my reply to the scammer. I got a reply from her this morning. Apparently, she either didn’t actually read my email or she doesn’t mind packing her kid in a crate and sending her airmail. It doesn’t seem to bother her that her kid might have to spend the winter in the back yard fending off wild dogs. She hasn’t mentioned teaching her how to build an igloo using ice cubes before she sends her here. Her reply is followed by my subsequent reply to her.

“Thanks for your respond to my mail and I’m very happy to hear from you back, please you can call the bank immediately you received this mail, so that you can able to discuss with the bank director, because I have handle everything to the bank director and make sure this money remit to your account successfully without any further delay because my operation will start soonest according to what the Doctor said.

Right now all I need is nothing but your caring and trust and to help me in all your heart to transfer this money out from here so that immediately after the transfer you and I will arrange on how my daughter will meet you in your place.
Below is the account information’s and bank information’s:

Account Information:

Name of Depositor: Dr. Nicolas Apollos
Next of Kin: Mrs Joy Nicolas
Amount Deposited: 14.850, Million Euros.
Type of Account: Fixed Suspense Account Beneficiary

Information of the Bank:

Siège social : Immeuble Botreau 
Roussel 5ème étage 04 BP 411 Abidjan 04
Name of Director: DG: Guy Koizan
Fax: (+225) 21 58 15 49
Tel: (+225) 08 19 94 40
E-mail: dr.guykoizan@rocketmail.com

Contact the bank as soon as you receive this mail and tell him that I gave you his contact as my partner and then ask him what you need to do for the transfer to take place. And don’t forget to send him all your full banking details where you want to proceed for the transfer. So when this money arrival into your account the bank director will send you the confirmation slip of the payment to show you that these funds have been arrival into your account. I wait to hear from you when you have contact the bank.

Be blessed in a mighty way:
Best Regard
Mrs: Joy Nicolas.”

My reply


I hope you don’t mind me being on first name basis with you. We are practically family. In fact, I don’t know your daughter’s name. You didn’t mention it.

I have a few questions before agreeing to this.

Firstly, regarding the igloo. I am trying to find some plans for igloos so that you have something to work from when you are teaching your daughter how to build one. Since Eskimos (or Inuit, as they prefer to call themselves here… they are sort of like pygmies but wear a lot of fur and eat seals. Do you have seals in Africa?) are very secretive about such things, the plans are very hard to come by. If you have trouble getting ice cubes (I forgot that you were in Africa and ice cubes don’t grow on trees there) perhaps you could work something out using bricks. They aren’t the same as snow blocks but if you use bricks it would be easier for your daughter to adapt to using snow.

Secondly, I realize that you are planning to send money to me for the education of your daughter which is very generous of you but since it is very expensive to live here I would be concerned that by using all your money, you would have nothing to live on, yourself. I would be more than happy to look after your daughter without payment if you pay the expenses of sending her here. That way there is no need for your to bother sending me your banking information. You don’t know me and I would worry that you wouldn’t trust me.

It sounds to me that your health is pretty bad. If you came here with your daughter, you could get our free health care. What is your illness? I have a very good doctor and I could get you in to see her very quickly if you came here. I cold pretend that you are my relative. They would never know. You could easily get a visa to come here. Just don’t tell them that you age coming because of your health or that you are planning to leave your daughter here. The autumn is coming and it is very pretty here.


It’s first-come, first-served around here…

I have received an amazing email today! It was from some lady from Sierra leone (or Cote d’Ivoire… she doesn’t seem clear on where she is, really…). Anyway, this is her offer:

“Dear Gentle Friend,

Greetings to you in the name of God. In my search for a reliable and God fearing person and having gotten your contact through prayers and painstaking efforts I have decided to seek your help in carrying out my last wishes. My name is Mrs. Joy Nicolas. Nationality Sierra Leone. I am 52 years of age, old woman a Christian. I was married with three children. My husband and two children died in plane crash years back.

My only child now is aged; she is 8 years of age. We are leaving in Cote d’Ivoire since past six years before this happen; I am dying of oesophageal cancers. Recently, My Doctor told me that I would not last for the period of five months due to cancer problem. It is my desire to write from my heart hoping that you will help me.

My late husband was one of the directors under titan kiblah government and owned two businesses in Dubai. He diverted some huge of money total is (14.850 Million Euros) only which he deposited with a bank in this country when he was alive.

Please I need your assistance in the following ways:

1. To help me receive this money into your account for my daughter care.

2. To help my only daughter to come over to your place to continue with her education.

3. To take her as your own blood child until she out of school.

If you can help me with these three things, to you 20% of the total money is for your personal use while 20% of the money will go to orphanage/motherless homes. And the remaining 60% of the money is for my daughter care. Once I hear from you I will provide you the bank information, were this money currently deposited for you to contact them.

Be blessed in a mighty way.
Best Regard
Mrs. Joy Nicolas.”

This was my reply:

“Mrs. Nicholas,

I am surprised to hear that in your search for a “reliable” and “God fearing person” you came up with my name.

If you need money for your child, I am more than willing to pay for her. Does she work hard? I can’t afford to pay a lot for her but if you are willing to pay for postage and a very large box, I could pick the box up at an airport or bus-station. She would have to be willing to work, though. no one eats for free in my house. In fact, if you send a large enough box, she can live in the box until she can afford to pay rent in the house. You will have to send lots of blankets, too. It gets very cold here in the winter. Can she use any weapons? There are the odd packs of wild dogs here and during the winter they get hungry. If she can fend them off then she’ll be fine. Does she know how to build an igloo? I don’t have time to teach her to do this so if you could teach her before she arrives (I am sure you could find lots of ice-cubes for her to practice).

Let me know immediately, because I have had a number of people who have children they want me to help and it is first-come-first-served, here.”

I wait with bated breath for her reply…

Which I have just posted.

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