IKEA angst….

WHY, Oh, WHY do people think it is appropriate or necessary to bring every single member of the family along to IKEA plus every child within a 5 mile radius of their home?????? As far as I am concerned, if you absolutely insist on bringing children or any member of the family not able to walk in a straight line at a reasonable pace or able to have care and control of a cart they should be duct-taped to a stroller.

And the next time I go to IKEA, I will bring an air-horn with me. I will no longer resort to screaming “EXCUSE ME” in your ear as you amble in ever decreasing circles in the aisle while carrying a Hrvrtxsis ice-cube mould and a Tvudermööööökenhangle ear-wax caddy and stare glassy-eyed at the ceiling, in order to get by you. Be warned….

And don’t get me started on those horrible cardboard “meat” balls….

They should open an IKEA which is exclusively for people who want to get in, get the thing they want, and get the fuck out…. I’d pay extra for that.

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6 Comments

  1. sledpress said,

    January 1, 2011 at 6:06 am

    What I hate is the way they arrange the stores so you have no idea where you are. No matter where you are.

    In my dictatorship, NO child will be allowed in a store, except possibly a toy store and I might have to think that over.

    • mudhooks said,

      January 1, 2011 at 11:06 am

      Ours is better than it used to be. Now they have signs… Of course, the signs are near the ceiling and point you vaguely in the direction of the self-serve area or the exit which is more or less useless when they have what amounts to a rat maze.

      As regards children… I think there are certain adults who should have some sort of embedded chip that prevents them from entering stores and prevents them from accessing carts. Perhaps some sort of mechanical claw should descend which grabs them by the scruff of the neck when they block aisles or start wandering aimlessly.

      This sort of technology should be able to judge when someone has a purpose in mind or is just a time-waster.

      People who can’t park a cart to one side of the aisle when they decide to dig through a bin or check out the lamps, for instance, or the ones who stop mid-aisle to look at something 45 feet away. Anyone who feels it unnecessary to stop their child from careening madly into people who are standing in line for the checkout or can only say blandly “Sweetie, can you bring the cart here? Sweetie, Mummy would like to look and the Tvudermööööökenhangle ear-wax caddies…. Honey, when you are done can you bring the cart here?” instead of grabbing the kid by the scruff of the neck and carrying them out of the store explaining why until they are old enough to behave properly they would see the out of doors…. Like MY mother would have done.

      In fact, my mother said she never had us behave badly in a store. I certainly didn’t after the memorable time when I was 4 and stole a candy bar and she made me take it back, apologize, pay for it, and to add insult to injury, leave it behind when we left the store.

      When we acted up, she made it very clear that our behaviour was not acceptable. Fear of God was nothing for us. Fear of Mom’s disappointment was enough to keep US on the straight and narrow.

  2. sandy said,

    December 31, 2010 at 9:41 pm

    Gee, Sis, wadda really think…?

    • sandy said,

      December 31, 2010 at 9:42 pm

      E Munch would be so proud!

  3. zeusiswatching said,

    December 31, 2010 at 10:08 am

    I wrote that place off over twenty years ago. Good riddance.

    • mudhooks said,

      January 1, 2011 at 1:45 am

      I like their stuff. I just don’t like people. To be honest, I have the same issues with just about every store it’s just that IKEA seems to be the place that brings out the worst in me.


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