20th anniversaries and rolling stones

Twenty years ago, February 24 and March 24th, Hutch and Dad died.

Despite my intention to mark the anniversaries in some way, they sort of slipped by, what with Mom being sick, my being sick, my fall on the front stairs, and the financial fiasco(s) of the last three months. However, since there isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about my fathers (birth and step), I guess the anniversaries are less meaningful as markers.

Still, I feel bad not having acknowledged Dad’s death, at least. I use the word “Dad” interchangeably but only because I know who, or rather which, I mean when I am talking about one or the other. Dad, in this case, is my step dad, the real “Dad” in my life.

Hutch died first, in February. I took about a week off school (college) and mourned the man I really didn’t know, in a rather perfunctory way, using the time off as a bit of rest from classes. A month to the day later, Dad died…. I was blown out of the water. I hadn’t really expected that… being blown out of the water, I mean. I thought it would be “bad” but I didn’t think I would be devastated…. wiped out completely. I don’t think I am, even yet, really over Dad’s loss.

Still, time passes and I am mindful that while I lost Dad back in 1988, Hutch was really gone back in 1959 when he walked away from us. I am also mindful that, had he not reappeared out of the blue in 1982, I wouldn’t have realized just how important Dad was to me and what a “Father” really is.

So… there we are the rolling stone (Hutch) and Dad. Still part of my life, despite the passage of time.

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