Some of my friends are aware that I suffer from chronic depression.
I’ve managed to “manage” it over the last few years with medication and perserverence. However, sometimes –now being one of those “sometimes” — it rears its ugly head and I find myself doing the mental version of swimming in sand.
I don’t know what it is about this particular time of the year but for several years, the last two and, most memorably, in 2000, August has hit me hard. Probably the heat has something to do with it, and perhaps because I am inclined to hole up inside and not get the requisite amount of sunshine a certain amount of Vitamin D deficiency may contribute. I find myself having to deal with a lot more “things” all at once. Whether this is simply a perception, or whether it is the same number of things but I find it harder to cope with them, I am not sure.
This time around, I have a lot of family support and I have managed to will myself to take care of some of the things which have been weighing me down…. cleaning my room for one thing…. I can now SEE my room without seeing it behind a big pile of clothes and books and boxes and junk. How novel! That has done me a world of good. Not just seeing the chaos done away with but it has been a huge physical effort which has made me feel a LOT better.
Mornings seem to be the worst time for me. On one hand, because I have had trouble getting to sleep, one half of my brain is exhausted while the other half is running 1000 miles a second over all the things I have to do or fretting over all the things I haven’t done, yet. Meanwhile, my body is raring to get out and walk a marathon. Walking has helped. While I was advised (or rather, “prescribed”) to take a 45 minute walk, my back tells me after 20 minutes that that is it…. It really has helped even though I haven’t been able to manage the 45 consecutive minutes, yet. At least it is much cooler, now, and a brisk 20 minute walk works wonders, at least for a while.
By mid-afternoon, though, I am usually feeling much better and the rest of the day is terrific(ish).
At least with the encouragement of my family, particularly my Mom, as well as that of a couple of close friends, I am starting to pull myself free this time around.


  1. Mudhooks said,

    August 14, 2006 at 1:36 pm

    Thanks, az!

    I am actually starting a week-long holiday. I asked the office manager if I could take some vacation and he said “No problem”. I don’t have anything planned and I don’t have any money to do anything with, except for some short jaunts in the region but just having some time to sleep in or do what I want, when I want it going to be a novelty. I didn’t take a vacation in the past two years so this is nice.

  2. azahar said,

    August 14, 2006 at 8:24 am

    Well, just wish there was more I could do than just send you virtual hugs.

    Certainly the HEAT had to be getting you down as well – it’s also been a real issue here. Very hard to feel perky and motivated when if you do anything remotely strenuous – like BREATHE – you end up bathed in sweat from the physical exertion of it.

    Anyhow, you know where to find me if you ever feel like a chat. *hug*

  3. Mudhooks said,

    August 12, 2006 at 11:57 pm

    Thanks, az.

    Yes, it has cooled down, positively chilly tonight. Actually, it has been cooler for a couple of days, now, which has helped.

    I started taking Vitamin D and B50 and I don’t know if that is why I started feeling better or whether it is something else or all the things but this morning is the first one in three weeks where I was able to get out of bed and start my day…. and feel pretty well back to normal.

  4. azahar said,

    August 12, 2006 at 8:47 pm


    Sorry to hear you’ve been going through such a hard time, but it’s good to know you have a lot of love and support happening.

    And keep up the walking – exercise really does help, well, with just about everything.

    Has it cooled down a bit?

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