I knew my blood pressure was probably pretty high, what with the stress of the last few weeks. I finally had it tested and it was *gasp!* 167/109 and 105 bpm. A few minutes later, it had gone down to 153/104 and 96 bpm. I haven’t tested it in a while because I can’t find the blood pressure monitor. Until the whole thing with the problem with the Board of Directors is over and done with, even though I quit the Board (it hasn’t been accepted, yet, but I have no duties so I won’t stress out). Even so, because the General Meeting is still ore than a week away, I am still fretting over the possible outcomes of that. I can’t sleep at night but then am so tired by morning that I inevitably fall asleep and wake up far too late in the day…. Vicious cycle.
I have tried taking sleeping pills… The first night I fell asleep fairly soon and woke up 3 hours later and wasn’t able to get to sleep, again. Every other night I have taken it and simply lain awake all night. Last night I dozed of fairly quickly and woke up an hour later, wide awake and couldn’t get back to sleep.
I have tried my anti-anxiety meds. I have tried the anti-anxiety meds AND the sleeping pill.
I have tried Melatonin. While that worked like a charm the first time I tried it two years ago, it has never worked since.
I tried Chamomile tea… Nothing.
I have tried eating a little something.
I have tried eating nothing after 7pm.
I went without coffee or tea for most of last week.
Now, of course, I could lie in bed and sleep all day. I just CANNOT get to sleep at night, or if I can GET to sleep, I don’t stay asleep.
Tonight I am trying Calcium and Magnesium. That also worked once but not after that. And it isn’t as though I am anticipating not getting to sleep. I get myself in the mood, curl up, try and put myself on a beach or in a field of grass — or, my usual fall-back, my “house” relaxation technique. [I imagine a place... street, road, path... city street... and imagine myself approaching the house. I imagine what the street looks like, that the surroundings are like, how I am getting there (car, carriage, walking). Then I imagine walking up the steps or path to the door, opening the door or knocking to be let in... whatever suits the house. I imagine the entryway, the hall, the walls, and where my room would be... Sometimes I imagine the whole house. Sometimes it takes me a while to get to sleep but usually I get to sleep within 15 minutes, sometimes I don't even remember where I was before I dropped off.] Problem is that it hasn’t worked recently. Thoughts keep intruding and I simply cannot concentrate and end up fretting AGAIN about “What if…”.
It is stupid, I know. And I know that whatever happens, things will eventually calm down but until then, it is all I can think about.
And right now my eyes are shutting and it is only 5:30.